Admiration
by lyn452
Summary: The first time Laxus heard Mirajane sing, he found himself letting go of all the hate that seemed to consume him these days


Laxus sipped his beer as he listened to the sad song on his sound pod at its loudest setting. It didn't match the usual merry excitement around him, but it was the anniversary of when his grandfather had kicked his father out of the guild, so he didn't exactly feel like being happy. He glared at his empty mug, banging it down. That should get a barmaid's attention.

He wished his friends were here. Then he could mock the rest of the stupid wizards in this guild to an appreciative audience. But he was alone on the second floor, trying to will a full mug into existence.

He wasn't going down to fetch one. That's for damn sure. He was Laxus Dreyer, why should he have to order beer from the bar like some civilian? They should really deliver it to him on bended knee.

It never hurt to get in with the future master, after all.

The barmaid, an S-Class Mage wasting her potential, came up the steps with a tray, presumably to correct no beer problem he was having. Mirajane Strauss, or so everyone claimed that's who this smiling stranger was, arrived with a fresh mug and a nervous smile.

Laxus almost grinned at that. She should be scared of him. All of those fools should. He was the most fearsome mage of all time. She put the empty on her tray and grabbed the new one by the handle.

Unfortunately, her hands were shaking and some of it splashed onto Laxus' shirt. He jumped up, cursing, and not caring if he was drawing attention from below.

"I'm so sorry, Laxus," she tried to wipe the potential stain away with her wash cloth, but he sneered at it. Who knows what it had been used to clean before. He pushed her hand away. She frowned, but continued her apology, "I guess I'm just nervous about performing tonight."

"Performing? What? You going to do a few magic tricks? You know there's supposed to be wizards in this place." Laxus chuckled at his own quip, glaring at the people below once again.

He missed his friends again. Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow would have laughed along with him. Mira just deepened her frown. "No. I'm singing tonight."

Laxus stopped laughing. "Can you sing?" He searched a pocket for one of his cigars. He knew Mira hated them, but so what? He felt like a smoke.

Her glare hadn't softened. "You know, Laxus, you never were nice, but you didn't used to go out of your way to be a jerk."

He shrugged as he lit up. "You never really knew me all that well then."

Her expression collapsed into one of hurt. "I guess not," she agreed softly.

Laxus hated the way Mira had been acting lately. He missed the eager punk that picked a fight with anyone. He understood that Mira. Understood wanting to be the best no matter the cost. Who was this stranger with kind eyes?

He didn't like her. When the guild was his, she'd be the first to go. Weakling with no magic.

* * *

He couldn't tell you why he stayed. What he should have done was go home for a fresh shirt and maybe to a different bar or just stay in. But he found himself hanging around Fairy Tail, waiting for something.

It couldn't be for Mirajane's singing, though he was curious. He just would rather be alone lording over those less than him instead of home by himself. Besides, sometimes jobs came in at weird times, and he was ready to get out of this place and be earning money again.

He pretended not to notice when Mira took the stage. Pretended to increase the volume on his sound pod rather than decrease it. He barely glanced over to see Mira looking in stunning in the spotlight with her guitar.

He took a long swig of beer.

Her first song is one of his favorites. Did Mira know that? He vaguely recalled time spent together comparing playlists on sound pods with Mira. That felt like ages ago, but it must have only been a couple of years. He cut the music to his sound pod completely now, but didn't remove the speakers. No reason for anyone to know that he wanted to hear Mira sing.

Her next few were originals. He wondered when she had time to write those and found himself oddly impressed by her talent. Not that he would ever tell her. He was already thinking of ways to tear her down about this later. How girly her love ballad was and how her friendship is magic was more suited to little kids than a guild.

Then she began singing the song he'd been listening to all night. It sounded so different in her voice. The sadness took on a deeper level, probably because she was so familiar with it. His eyes were attracted to the stage like a magnet, and he stared at Mirajane.

 _Little girl, little girl_

 _Don't lie to me_

 _Tell me where did you sleep last night?_

He removed the spiked speakers from his ears, no longer caring if anyone saw him. He wanted to hear every single note in Mira's heavy, sad voice.

 _In the pines, in the pines_

 _Where the sun never shines_

 _We'll shiver the whole night through_

He wasn't sure what attracted him to this song. Other than the fact that it reminded him of all the cold nights camped out during solo missions. That and…

 _My daddy was a railroad man_

 _Killed a mile and a half from here_

 _His head was found in the driving wheel_

 _His body was never found_

The reference made Laxus think not of his own father as it had all night, but rather Mira's. What had it been like to have a father that loved you? Cared about you? Raised you? How did it feel to lose a father like that?

He really should ask her, he thought. Then immediately dismissed it, cursing himself for being so stupid. That wasn't how strong men acted, asking people about their feelings and caring about their answers. His own father had taught him that.

He should leave. He put out his cigar and stood, but his eyes refused to leave the stage.

 _In the pines, in the pines_

 _Where the sun never shines_

 _We'll shiver the whole night through_

Their eyes met, it was probably only for a few seconds but it felt longer than that to Laxus. She seemed to be looking through him, seeing the weak little boy he hadn't been for a very long time. Seeing what he'd just been thinking. Seeing him betraying his own father the same way Gramps had.

He looked away, not wanting to feel this way. Not wanting her to see that he was damn near crying. He cursed aloud as he thumped down the stairs.

 _You've caused me to weep_

 _You've caused me to mourn_

 _You've caused me to lose my home_

Listening to Mira's soft voice, he felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time, shame. He paused at the foot of the stairs. Despite being pretty sure that he never really made Mira cry, he knew she wouldn't approve of the idea that had been kicking around in his head for the past month.

He wondered if it was a bad one. Not that he bad ideas, but maybe there was some other way to prove he was the strongest. He would think on it a little longer, he decided. He moved toward the door.

 _Little girl, little girl_

 _Where'd you sleep last night?_

 _Not even your mother knows_

He left without a word. He had been wrong. Even without her magic, Mira was still dangerous. He paused at the door though, looking back to admire Mira on stage one last time. Not wanting to leave yet, wanting to absorb every last note.

Her eyes connected with his again and she smiled at him.

It still looked fake to Laxus, where had the live firecracker he'd grown-up with gone? He missed the sort of friend that used to challenge him to fights and critique his taste in music. He missed nights of sneaking liquor with Mira and Cana, complaining about missing parents. He missed the Mira he once knew and admired.

But he would never say that, not to anyone.

He left Fairy Tail without looking back.

 _In the pines, in the pines_

 _Where the sun never shines_

 _Shiver when the cold winds blow_


End file.
